#11/30 The Thrill

I've had this poem for a while but didn't put it out for a reason, I hope you understand why it took me so long, I really wanted to get this one right...enjoy



The thrill is gone,
The sky is crying and she is an afterglow,
That reminds me of saddest blues songs on Wednesday evenings
She’s an Amazonian woman lost in time and she wants me, to break her back out,
To envision her heart and pretzel her body in the same twisted fashion,
Forget about love she begs
Forget about mind fucking like grangran once told us too,
Forget why God picked us above other animals albert,
Because love
Love is a white washed truth I never knew,
A faded background somewhere,
Were Romeo and Juliet sleep like homeless people under nights covered in failed aspirations’ like plaster
Let the smallest, hottest, parts of our bodies merge and just fuck in friction
She says….
For I am nothing but a broken rainbow dirtying the sky
See, no matter how you look at me, whether upside or down,
Flipped over easy on my axis or laid gently on my side
My outward look is uglier than the beauty enveloping me
You’ll see that I’m as ruined as a shattered figurine

I wish I could tell you her name,
But names are like poetry in the raw, they are untranslatable
And hers is an unassailable fence,
A claw nicking at what’s left of her essence
She's already brain dead, why else would she ask that I fuck her brains out?
It’s so she can bury it, in hopes that it sprouts when spring comes again

She does not call her vigina what it was meant to be; a stairway to heaven
Neither does she read her bible,
But when life becomes too much to blame on her parents, she discovers that eve does exist in a chapter titled Leviticus or was it genesis? Confused woman
Shrouded in the worst parts of women’s history,
The only thing that insulates your cold heart from the world is hate for tomorrow
I tell her that tomorrows are like children, they laugh not caring about circumstances
She tells me that tomorrows are like children, a birthed mistake she would gladly abort
I tell her she’s a black woman, not a fucking queen but a sun goddess dethroned from her Aztec temple
It’s depressing, that most women I’ve met in my short time on earth think this way
Your attitudes and behavior have cause my brain to reboot in alzheimer’s mode
What my mother used to call you has slowly ebbed out of my brain
With years smothering the flame of my eyes I have begun to forget what you look like
But I know that you are not useless pellets,
But a dangling comet that has paused itself in the sky, waiting for the right moment to kill us all
If you just Crawl back into your cocoon and try again, there wouldn’t be a need for a different you in a parallel universe
You are woman! Remember to nurture, remember to protect like a queen on a chess board
Light your fire flag again! Let us breathed your clawed essence like burned incense
Inside all of you, there is a spirit on a journey like sojourner with the voice of monet
Asking that you remember the ground your roots stabbed when God planted you
Remember when you were younger than training wheels
Open your heart, and find your way back, can you see when you tried to make history your story?
And when history wasn’t tied to histories he left on your sheets in blood and sperm
Stop trying to unbuckle my jeans for one second, and hold onto me as if my words can transfigure matter to a time machine, waiting for you to hit the rewind button,
Forcing impossible to happen…

All I want, is to take you back in time so you can try things out differently…if only
You would stop trying to unbutton my shirt and unclasp your knees from its knelling position
Stand,
I am your mirror; look at me with those binoculars you call eyes that once defied physics
See your cheekbones and fall in love with them again
See the crooked nose that held men up when they were ready to let go and lips that twice wrote gravity into the realm of the universe
And realize that I will not fuck you tonight or ever
But rip my tongue from my mouth, and use it to repaint you in the colors, that God once told me to

#10/30 A Woman's heart in me

I plan to...
When its no longer needed...
I plan to cut my heart by her roots
Burn her down like the tree she was carved from
And let her ashes float,
Put her on a free falling path on an eastern wind behind my home headed for the sea
and watch her find a new man to torment


Maybe she'll meet someone who she finally deserves
someone nothing like me, with a ribcage she can call home
and a mind she can peacefully use as a blanket when she's cold

I hope she'll be green again
touched by the love of his mid day sun
she'll grow strangling vines, perfect for your throat

yea man, I could have told you that

my heart...well...your heart, our heart
can choke from the inside out